Bingo Bango

  by Carl Coffee
Jason Hollister joined the Belgian Wiffles in the 2013 season and quickly made a lot of noise. The outspoken rookie was a part of the opening night games in Detroit where he went 5 for 8 which earned him a Munson. He later was traded to King Friday and helped the team stay in the playoff hunt until the last week. After it was all said and done, Jason had a very nice season and established himself as a very fine role player. What the league doesn’t know is Jason’s interesting past. A past so dark and strange, it is hard for me to write about.

Jason grew up in Gibraltar, MI, graduated from Carlson High School, and was semi-popular. The jocks liked him and the nerds didn’t hate him, so he was accepted in every social clique. After graduating in 2010, he was bored with his mundane life, so he decided it was time for
Jason Hollister, captain of the Wolfpack, during his days as Bango
a change. He didn’t know what he wanted to change, he just knew it needed to be something dangerous or exciting, or even twisted.

One boring afternoon, it finally hit him. Jason wanted to become a prostitute. At the time, male prostitution was a pretty popular profession thanks to the down economy, and that worried Jason. After more research, he found out that there were no clown prostitutes in the Metro Detroit area, so he would have no competition.

No one grows up in hopes of being an underground clown prostitute, but Jason didn’t care. For the first time in his life, he was doing something exciting. After he was done with his college classes or his job at the local Meijer, Jason would lock himself in his bathroom, apply his makeup, put on his goofy clothes and clown shoes, and would hit the town.

The first few months were very discouraging for Jason but he never gave up. Two out of every five people are afraid of clowns, so Jason only had 60% of people to work with. He sometimes wondered if he should leave prostitution and instead focus on children parties or even join the circus, but he stuck it out. He later gave himself a name, “Bango the Clown”, but that didn’t help much either.

It was the spring of 2012, and Jason finally caught a break. After roaming the streets of Melvindale one night, a Bachelorette Party Bus saw Bango and picked him up. These girls were drunk, but they knew the ‘bride to be’ had a twisted fascination with clowns, a twisted sexual fascination actually. Bango let the girls know his fee, and they paid up so their friend could have Bango for the rest of the night. Bango and the ‘bride to be’ did weird sexual clown stuff all night, and in the morning he went on his way.

Jason was on top of the world, but something happened that night. He developed feelings for this mystery girl. He was very discouraged and knew the #1 rule of prostitution was to never fall for one of your clients, and he fell for his first and only client. Jason was upset and burned his clown attire and threw away his makeup. Never again would he become Bango, never again would he sell his body. He was done.

The rest of 2012 was uneventful for Jason, and it wasn’t until his co-worker Jason Matt invited him to play wiffleball, where he was truly happy again. The rest of the league may look at Jason and see a quick witted role player who occasionally has a big game, but now you can look at him and see something else. You can now look at Jason Hollister and see a retired underground clown prostitute.