by Nick Coffee
As I close my eyes, I can smell the freshly cut grass baking by the sun in the Dublin, Ohio sky. The 5th annual NWLA tournament is just around the corner and I am more than prepared. My flight is booked, the hotels are reserved and my jersey is fresh of the press. I am not an article writer on the regular, but for the past 5 years I always seem to put one out around this time of year. Last year I wrote 10 steps on how to lie about where one is off to when they head to the tournament in: “Lies” and Other Ways to Explain the NWLA Tournament. This year, I’d like to keep the list-theme going and put out another 10 steps. My apologies in advance for sounding blasphemous, but here are the NWLA Ten Commandments:
- Believe in Chris GallowayHe has never let us down since the first year of this great tournament. It has gotten bigger and better every year! In 2011, I thought it was so cool that umpires were there and we had lights. Now there are jumbotrons and drones. DRONES! I don’t know what he has in store for us this year, but whatever it is I’m sure everyone will be impressed. No words can express the gratitude and appreciate that everyone has for Chris in putting on such a great show. Thanks Chris.
- Do not play with another organization other than the NWLAI know that there are so many leagues out there and the NWLA tournament is only once a year. There are other options for teams to play. Fast Plastics and Golden Stick to name a few. Besides your own league’s regular season and other tournaments here and there, an NWLA team should only be associated with the NWLA.
- Do not take God’s name in vainI think this one shouldn’t be messed with, even for this silly article. Don’t do it on the field or off the field or else feel the wrath of the mighty Lord!
- Take the Monday off, rest the 4th day –I’ve made the mistake (twice) on trying to return to work on the Monday after the tournament. The first year wasn’t too bad, but I called off the next year. Ever since, I’ve just taken a PTO day for that Monday. No one wants to be a zombie at work after 3 days of playing/coaching/watching wiffleball for 3 straight days in the heat of the summer. Do everyone a favor and take Monday off. Rest and recover!
- Honor the callsI know that umpires are humans and they make mistakes, but please respect the call. I’ve been fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of calls that have gone our way, but I’m sure it’ll come back to bite us. Unless Galloway has the technology for replays, which wouldn’t surprise me, please do not argue what the umps call because it might ultimately hurt your team’s chances of winning it all.
- Do not murderHere is another one that I don’t feel I should change, because I really hope no one murders anyone at the tournament. However, let’s tone this down a bit and say: Do not fight - I know that some players can get on people’s nerves, but please know that this is all about having fun with some great dudes. After all, we are all adults playing wiffleball. Enjoy yourselves!
- Do not cheat on your teamI have been guilty of sitting on other team’s benches at times and having some drinks with them too, but I still have loyalty to the team that I came with. I get along with pretty much everyone at the tournament and I plan to be friendly the entire weekend. However, I am coming as a WSEM Dad, I’ll be there as a WSEM Dad and I’ll leave as a WSEM Dad.
- Do not steal or lead offI’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about here. The umpires are watching your feet when you’re on the base. Do not leave early and do not get off the bag! This could cost your team. This was one of the calls that went in our favor like I was talking about in Commandment #5.
- Do not testify as being better than you areDon’t bask in the glory of previous tournament’s accomplishments because it doesn’t mean anything. Sure, there’s only been 3 teams ever to make the championship in the past 4 tournaments, but all that can go away in a single game. Don’t talk trash before you play the game. Play to win and let the score do the talking for you.
- Do not be jealous of what other teams haveI’m sure every team wished they had a Bush or a Farkas on their team at some point in the tournament, however that is unrealistic. After WSEM had a pretty good year in its inaugural year, our 2nd year was a total bust. Instead of wishing we had a team like Tampa or OCWA, we changes a couple things and now we are the 2-time defending champs. I don’t contribute much to the team besides moral support and the occasional instruction on the 3rd base line, but I’ve been a part of behind-the-scenes since day one.
Well, there you have it, another easy-to-read list of 10 instructions to follow for this year’s tournament. To recap; Follow the rules, have fun, don’t be a shithead and make sure to Thank Chris Galloway. Simple rules to have a great time with some awesome guys in Dublin. I can’t wait to get out there and hopefully help our team bring home our 3rd straight trophy. In Chandler we trust. Amen!
